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I’ve been dating this guy for almost 8 months now. We started off really quick, we would always spend more time at his place because we lived far from each other and he have a house and I have a small apartment with a roommate he doesn’t quite like. It started off nice and peachy, I felt at home at his place. He always referred to it as ‘our home’ and when I would be gone from him he would always text me to ‘come home’.

Few months later he would start getting passive aggressive about things. “Why don’t you buy food/snacks since you’re always here?” “Why don’t you make the bed?” “Why don’t you help out with laundry?”

I must admit I’m not the cleanest fellow, but I want to be. I guess I grew up a bit spoiled because my mother would clean up after myself and my brothers. But I started cleaning up after myself while I’m there. “Why don’t you help out with groceries?” We go splitsies while grocery shopping. “Why don’t you clean up after yourself when you eat?” I wash my dishes and wipe the counter and kitchen table after I eat. We started to have arguments a lot about it that I told him I would stop coming over and he could come to my place instead. He would never come, but I have to drive over to his place to see him.

November comes and my lease is up at my place and the new place my roommate and I want to move to won’t open until December 16. I ask my boyfriend if I can crash at his place for a month. I’m already hesitant about it because our previous fights and how much of a neat freak he is, but it’s either that or be homeless. He agrees. I pay him $250 for the month I’ll be there. I help out with groceries for us. I do laundry, I fold clothes, I make sure I turn on the lights he wants on while he is gone (he is a flight attendant and is usually away 3 days at a time), I take out the trash, fold the blankets the way he likes, etc. etc. etc.

He comes back from a trip and I make sure to buy him dinner, take out the trash and clean up a bit before he gets home. I take a shower and come out and see him and the first thing he says to me is why aren’t the dishes washed? Keep in mind before he left on his trip I asked him if he wanted me to wash the dishes and he said “No. I’ll take care of it later.” He left with the dishes still in the sink. I know he likes the dishwasher set a certain way (cups there, plates there, forks and knives like this…) so I left it for him. He’s mad about it and says “I had a feeling you would have left it, it was a test. I wanted you to surprise me and wash them.” I just got off late from work, got you dinner, haven’t seen you in 3 days and this is the first thing you say to me? I snap.

We get into a argument. I tell him I’m trying but he doesn’t acknowledge the small things I do to be cleaner for him. He says ‘You don’t clean the toilets, you don’t clean the bathtub we use” It just seems like no matter what I do, there will be something else for him to criticise.

It sucks because 1) I’m saying at his place so I feel like I have no choice but to conform for him. And 2) Now that the apartment opening date has been pushed to January 17, I can’t even say at least I only have 10 more days of this.

Am I tripping for thinking his behavior is a deal breaker? Part of me wants to end this relationship because if he’s like this now, how are we going to get a place together in the future? I might push him off a balcony.

Anyone have any advice or thoughts on this? I feel so frustrated and alone. 😣😞



 
Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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.. .
.
.
.
.

.
. . . so.... why don't you just clean instead of expending your energy typing up a sob story of how you're spoiled?
.
.
.
. .. clean after yourself. it's the very least any adult can do.
.
.
.
. .and please... stop with the nonsense that another adult doesn't acknowledge your (an adult) effort of cleanin up... did you want a kiss on your forehead every single time you do shit that you're supposed to do, anyways?


.
.
.. . . that guy sounds like a reasonable person.... having a (clean) house and all... while you're living with a roommate.

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Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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I didn't read that long ass post...but maybe you could figure out what parts of the house he gets irritated at most when it's messy. My ex couldn't stand when our bedroom was messy, but it didn't bother me much. I couldn't stand when the kitchen was messy but it bother him much. So we compramised. I tried better to keep our bedroom clean and he tried better to do the dishes more.
 
Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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Ok ...I was in a live in relationship for a few years and I felt similar to you that because it was his home I had to conform to what he wanted. He was unhappy about certain things I did and I didn't like all of his habits. It is more healthy if you maintain your independence. You can still see each other just as often as you want but you don't have to live together constantly 24/7. I would never do it again because I know me and I know seeing someone 24/7 isn't healthy for me
 
Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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OP,

Ur bf is a bit much and has OCD and too particular on certain shyt...but it is his place and u need to conform to his preferences. U should've took the initiative and done the dishes...not ask him but just do them. Never let dishes pile up for longer than a day...hell I don't let them stay in the sink that long.

U just gotta follow his rules since u staying with him. Also, think twice about getting a place with him in the future.
 
Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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8 days ago

What the fuck you ate with if you didn't wash dishes for 3 days? You not worried about bugs and the grease getting too hard. You said you bought him dinner so you must not cook. You learn how to cook dishes piling up will make you heated too

Um...I dont know about you but most people have more than 3 dishes. I didnt cook, it was jjst his stuff he left in the sink.



 
Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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It's either that, or someone who isn't trustworthy (and you never really know if they mean what they say., or care about you.) Stick with the type you've got. Almost every straight male in a relationship is going through what you go through.
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Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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8 days ago

I’ve been dating this guy for almost 8 months now. We started off really quick, we would always spend more time at his place because we lived far from each other and he have a house and I have a small apartment with a roommate he doesn’t quite like. It started off nice and peachy, I felt at home at his place. He always referred to it as ‘our home’ and when I would be gone from him he would always text me to ‘come home’.

Few months later he would start getting passive aggressive about things. “Why don’t you buy food/snacks since you’re always here?” “Why don’t you make the bed?” “Why don’t you help out with laundry?”

I must admit I’m not the cleanest fellow, but I want to be. I guess I grew up a bit spoiled because my mother would clean up after myself and my brothers. But I started cleaning up after myself while I’m there. “Why don’t you help out with groceries?” We go splitsies while grocery shopping. “Why don’t you clean up after yourself when you eat?” I wash my dishes and wipe the counter and kitchen table after I eat. We started to have arguments a lot about it that I told him I would stop coming over and he could come to my place instead. He would never come, but I have to drive over to his place to see him.

November comes and my lease is up at my place and the new place my roommate and I want to move to won’t open until December 16. I ask my boyfriend if I can crash at his place for a month. I’m already hesitant about it because our previous fights and how much of a neat freak he is, but it’s either that or be homeless. He agrees. I pay him $250 for the month I’ll be there. I help out with groceries for us. I do laundry, I fold clothes, I make sure I turn on the lights he wants on while he is gone (he is a flight attendant and is usually away 3 days at a time), I take out the trash, fold the blankets the way he likes, etc. etc. etc.

He comes back from a trip and I make sure to buy him dinner, take out the trash and clean up a bit before he gets home. I take a shower and come out and see him and the first thing he says to me is why aren’t the dishes washed? Keep in mind before he left on his trip I asked him if he wanted me to wash the dishes and he said “No. I’ll take care of it later.” He left with the dishes still in the sink. I know he likes the dishwasher set a certain way (cups there, plates there, forks and knives like this…) so I left it for him. He’s mad about it and says “I had a feeling you would have left it, it was a test. I wanted you to surprise me and wash them.” I just got off late from work, got you dinner, haven’t seen you in 3 days and this is the first thing you say to me? I snap.

We get into a argument. I tell him I’m trying but he doesn’t acknowledge the small things I do to be cleaner for him. He says ‘You don’t clean the toilets, you don’t clean the bathtub we use” It just seems like no matter what I do, there will be something else for him to criticise.

It sucks because 1) I’m saying at his place so I feel like I have no choice but to conform for him. And 2) Now that the apartment opening date has been pushed to January 17, I can’t even say at least I only have 10 more days of this.

Am I tripping for thinking his behavior is a deal breaker? Part of me wants to end this relationship because if he’s like this now, how are we going to get a place together in the future? I might push him off a balcony.

Anyone have any advice or thoughts on this? I feel so frustrated and alone. 😣😞

Well those are the things that come with being in a relationship, getting to know one another's idiosyncrasies. It will get worse before it gets better. but if you love a person enough and they are willing to compromise and you all sit down and talk, it would be worth it. I know this from experience because this guy I was dating and later got into a long-term relationship started off just like you and he did. We dated a month and he would just come over and stay the weekend, and that turned into everyday and soon I asked him to move in. He did, and I don`t have OCD, but he changed the living room around and I came home and it made me furious. I lit into him about it. Then he did some other small things that I took offense too...after that, we talked and I apologized and told him that my house is his house. So we worked it out.

Like I said, if you love him, and he treats you right, then stick it out...you moving in with him is a test for both of you all...and it should not be a deal breaker that he is a neat freak. The one thing I learned from that relationship was, the things you like least about a person, is the things that you remember and love about that person. My ex use to do some irritating things sometimes, but when we broke up, I found myself, reminiscing and laughing about it. But you know how much you can take...yet don`t give up so quickly either.
 
Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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relationships are tough. People who have lived in a place awhile develop a routine and a level of cleanliness they expect in that place. I think I am bit like your dude. He sounds like a dick. Lol.

 
Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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8 days ago

relationships are tough. People who have lived in a place awhile develop a routine and a level of cleanliness they expect in that place. I think I am bit like your dude. He sounds like a dick. Lol.

Lol yeah. Its crazy the messages I’ve been getting. Some are clean freaks like him and like “pick up your shit! Stop being a baby” while some are like “GET OUT IMMEDIATELY!!”

And he is a sweetheart. Its the reason I fell in love with him. But when he’s in his moods he can be a total fucking asshole. His fam and the few friends he does have all have said it. He knows he can be an asshole. I just know my worth and what I refuse to pit up with. It just sucks that I feel like im at a liberty where I can’t even be myself.



 
Post Posted: 8 days ago 
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8 days ago

I’ve been dating this guy for almost 8 months now. We started off really quick, we would always spend more time at his place because we lived far from each other and he have a house and I have a small apartment with a roommate he doesn’t quite like. It started off nice and peachy, I felt at home at his place. He always referred to it as ‘our home’ and when I would be gone from him he would always text me to ‘come home’.

Few months later he would start getting passive aggressive about things. “Why don’t you buy food/snacks since you’re always here?” “Why don’t you make the bed?” “Why don’t you help out with laundry?”

I must admit I’m not the cleanest fellow, but I want to be. I guess I grew up a bit spoiled because my mother would clean up after myself and my brothers. But I started cleaning up after myself while I’m there. “Why don’t you help out with groceries?” We go splitsies while grocery shopping. “Why don’t you clean up after yourself when you eat?” I wash my dishes and wipe the counter and kitchen table after I eat. We started to have arguments a lot about it that I told him I would stop coming over and he could come to my place instead. He would never come, but I have to drive over to his place to see him.

November comes and my lease is up at my place and the new place my roommate and I want to move to won’t open until December 16. I ask my boyfriend if I can crash at his place for a month. I’m already hesitant about it because our previous fights and how much of a neat freak he is, but it’s either that or be homeless. He agrees. I pay him $250 for the month I’ll be there. I help out with groceries for us. I do laundry, I fold clothes, I make sure I turn on the lights he wants on while he is gone (he is a flight attendant and is usually away 3 days at a time), I take out the trash, fold the blankets the way he likes, etc. etc. etc.

He comes back from a trip and I make sure to buy him dinner, take out the trash and clean up a bit before he gets home. I take a shower and come out and see him and the first thing he says to me is why aren’t the dishes washed? Keep in mind before he left on his trip I asked him if he wanted me to wash the dishes and he said “No. I’ll take care of it later.” He left with the dishes still in the sink. I know he likes the dishwasher set a certain way (cups there, plates there, forks and knives like this…) so I left it for him. He’s mad about it and says “I had a feeling you would have left it, it was a test. I wanted you to surprise me and wash them.” I just got off late from work, got you dinner, haven’t seen you in 3 days and this is the first thing you say to me? I snap.

We get into a argument. I tell him I’m trying but he doesn’t acknowledge the small things I do to be cleaner for him. He says ‘You don’t clean the toilets, you don’t clean the bathtub we use” It just seems like no matter what I do, there will be something else for him to criticise.

It sucks because 1) I’m saying at his place so I feel like I have no choice but to conform for him. And 2) Now that the apartment opening date has been pushed to January 17, I can’t even say at least I only have 10 more days of this.

Am I tripping for thinking his behavior is a deal breaker? Part of me wants to end this relationship because if he’s like this now, how are we going to get a place together in the future? I might push him off a balcony.

Anyone have any advice or thoughts on this? I feel so frustrated and alone. 😣😞

8 days ago

Well those are the things that come with being in a relationship, getting to know one another's idiosyncrasies. It will get worse before it gets better. but if you love a person enough and they are willing to compromise and you all sit down and talk, it would be worth it. I know this from experience because this guy I was dating and later got into a long-term relationship started off just like you and he did. We dated a month and he would just come over and stay the weekend, and that turned into everyday and soon I asked him to move in. He did, and I don`t have OCD, but he changed the living room around and I came home and it made me furious. I lit into him about it. Then he did some other small things that I took offense too...after that, we talked and I apologized and told him that my house is his house. So we worked it out.

Like I said, if you love him, and he treats you right, then stick it out...you moving in with him is a test for both of you all...and it should not be a deal breaker that he is a neat freak. The one thing I learned from that relationship was, the things you like least about a person, is the things that you remember and love about that person. My ex use to do some irritating things sometimes, but when we broke up, I found myself, reminiscing and laughing about it. But you know how much you can take...yet don`t give up so quickly either.

You’re right. It sucks a lot when you’re going through it though. We tried talking aboit it but it seems like we cant see eye to eye. I think he expects me to be like him and be a clean freak, but even if i want to be like that, it wont happen in a few days, weeks, etc. it takes a while to break out of a habit.

I think what hurts me is if the shoe was reversed and I wouldn’t want him to feel the way I do. Feel like you’re in the marines and I need to retrace every step to make sure I didnt leave a crumb behind. Sometimes we have our lazy moments and want to leave a cup in the sink and wash it later. It just feels like at this point I cant even do that without it potentially starting another argument 😞
 
Post Posted: 7 days ago 
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8 days ago

I’ve been dating this guy for almost 8 months now. We started off really quick, we would always spend more time at his place because we lived far from each other and he have a house and I have a small apartment with a roommate he doesn’t quite like. It started off nice and peachy, I felt at home at his place. He always referred to it as ‘our home’ and when I would be gone from him he would always text me to ‘come home’.

Few months later he would start getting passive aggressive about things. “Why don’t you buy food/snacks since you’re always here?” “Why don’t you make the bed?” “Why don’t you help out with laundry?”

I must admit I’m not the cleanest fellow, but I want to be. I guess I grew up a bit spoiled because my mother would clean up after myself and my brothers. But I started cleaning up after myself while I’m there. “Why don’t you help out with groceries?” We go splitsies while grocery shopping. “Why don’t you clean up after yourself when you eat?” I wash my dishes and wipe the counter and kitchen table after I eat. We started to have arguments a lot about it that I told him I would stop coming over and he could come to my place instead. He would never come, but I have to drive over to his place to see him.

November comes and my lease is up at my place and the new place my roommate and I want to move to won’t open until December 16. I ask my boyfriend if I can crash at his place for a month. I’m already hesitant about it because our previous fights and how much of a neat freak he is, but it’s either that or be homeless. He agrees. I pay him $250 for the month I’ll be there. I help out with groceries for us. I do laundry, I fold clothes, I make sure I turn on the lights he wants on while he is gone (he is a flight attendant and is usually away 3 days at a time), I take out the trash, fold the blankets the way he likes, etc. etc. etc.

He comes back from a trip and I make sure to buy him dinner, take out the trash and clean up a bit before he gets home. I take a shower and come out and see him and the first thing he says to me is why aren’t the dishes washed? Keep in mind before he left on his trip I asked him if he wanted me to wash the dishes and he said “No. I’ll take care of it later.” He left with the dishes still in the sink. I know he likes the dishwasher set a certain way (cups there, plates there, forks and knives like this…) so I left it for him. He’s mad about it and says “I had a feeling you would have left it, it was a test. I wanted you to surprise me and wash them.” I just got off late from work, got you dinner, haven’t seen you in 3 days and this is the first thing you say to me? I snap.

We get into a argument. I tell him I’m trying but he doesn’t acknowledge the small things I do to be cleaner for him. He says ‘You don’t clean the toilets, you don’t clean the bathtub we use” It just seems like no matter what I do, there will be something else for him to criticise.

It sucks because 1) I’m saying at his place so I feel like I have no choice but to conform for him. And 2) Now that the apartment opening date has been pushed to January 17, I can’t even say at least I only have 10 more days of this.

Am I tripping for thinking his behavior is a deal breaker? Part of me wants to end this relationship because if he’s like this now, how are we going to get a place together in the future? I might push him off a balcony.

Anyone have any advice or thoughts on this? I feel so frustrated and alone. 😣😞

8 days ago

Well those are the things that come with being in a relationship, getting to know one another's idiosyncrasies. It will get worse before it gets better. but if you love a person enough and they are willing to compromise and you all sit down and talk, it would be worth it. I know this from experience because this guy I was dating and later got into a long-term relationship started off just like you and he did. We dated a month and he would just come over and stay the weekend, and that turned into everyday and soon I asked him to move in. He did, and I don`t have OCD, but he changed the living room around and I came home and it made me furious. I lit into him about it. Then he did some other small things that I took offense too...after that, we talked and I apologized and told him that my house is his house. So we worked it out.

Like I said, if you love him, and he treats you right, then stick it out...you moving in with him is a test for both of you all...and it should not be a deal breaker that he is a neat freak. The one thing I learned from that relationship was, the things you like least about a person, is the things that you remember and love about that person. My ex use to do some irritating things sometimes, but when we broke up, I found myself, reminiscing and laughing about it. But you know how much you can take...yet don`t give up so quickly either.

8 days ago

You’re right. It sucks a lot when you’re going through it though. We tried talking aboit it but it seems like we cant see eye to eye. I think he expects me to be like him and be a clean freak, but even if i want to be like that, it wont happen in a few days, weeks, etc. it takes a while to break out of a habit.

I think what hurts me is if the shoe was reversed and I wouldn’t want him to feel the way I do. Feel like you’re in the marines and I need to retrace every step to make sure I didnt leave a crumb behind. Sometimes we have our lazy moments and want to leave a cup in the sink and wash it later. It just feels like at this point I cant even do that without it potentially starting another argument 😞

Well only you know how much you can take.

I guess if and when you get your own spot again, maybe he can come visit you and see what your world is like since he is not trying to see your efforts, but then again, we all don`t know his side of the story, maybe he has a reason why he feels the way he does...Plus, it`s always hard when you move into someone else's space. For a long time when I was with the guy I mentioned early, we were together for 4 1/2 years and he moved into my space, I never thought about us moving out my space and getting a space together..however, we did work for a long time, what our issue was after a while was trust. He didn`t trust me and I definitely didn`t trust him.

But I always say, give is a chance, and try your best to work it out, especially if you all care for each other...and if you make it to that one year point of living together, the rest is smooth sailing. Relationships are hard, but you have to have two willing partners...and don`t just give up so soon, because you may never know what COULD`VE BEEN.
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